Just like most of us, I grew up learning to respect and look up to older people in our community. They are also people we learn to trust. As a social worker, however, I have learned that not all of them can be trusted. I will share a personal experience with you that tells us how we can be deceived. It is about my 13 year old sister who encountered inappropriate touching by a 45 year old married man with 4 children and someone she called uncle!
This guy is part of my community and owns a store in the neighborhood where a lot of young girls and women shop. My sister went to the store to get something, he followed her to the back of the store and put his hands around her waist, she yelled as she looked at the camera while trying to take his hands off. He looked at her and said “the camera does not work”. That’s when she realized she had to do something fast. She pushed and kicked him and got out of the store as fast as she could.
The incident occurred around 2 pm on a Sunday. My sister called my husband’s cell phone several times but hung up without saying anything. It was almost 7 pm when she finally called me and said “Suweba I want to tell you something that happened to one of my friends, but do not tell Daddy. I said “okay”. As she relayed the story, she used the word “I” by mistake. When she finished telling me the story, I said to her I realized you said “I” couple of times. I asked her to tell me if this was something that happened to her and not her friend.
I reassured her that whatever happened was not her fault and that he is the person with the problem and at fault and she is not to be blamed. Finally she told me it was true and that it happened to her and begged me not to tell our father. I was absolutely outraged but could not let her feel it in my voice.
As soon as I hung up the phone, I told my husband about it and wanted to confront the man that very night! I did call but unfortunately, his phone was disconnected. So I decided to go to his store after work the next day. I went to the office the next day determined to discuss it with Robina (supervisor); I shared the story with her and together we brainstormed about the next steps. She understood my anger and urged me to think carefully so I get the desired outcome.
Later on that afternoon, I decided to tell my Dad, and I also told him that I would confront the man on my own. He asked me not to approach him alone and promised that he will have a meeting with the community leaders during the weekend and discuss the matter. I told my Dad he had to call an emergency meeting that very night or the next day at the latest. He said no, because people will be working and we need to give them enough notice. I told him that I do not care; I want this addressed immediately or will do it my way! He saw that I was determined and gave in. He called community leaders and set up an emergency meeting within couple of days. The following day my Dad got into a car accident and of course, I blame myself to this day.
My Dad, my husband and my sisters were all present with me at this meeting. Eight male community leaders were present as well as I spoke about the incident and informed them that I was going to the police to report the matter. As it was expected by me, the men begged me not to go to the police and promised that they will take care of it among themselves. I refused to give in and laid down two options:
1) either I go to the police or
2) they organize another meeting with both male and female members of the community and let everyone know what this man has done. I demanded that we boycott his store and said that I would also put flyers around the neighborhood to alert people of what he had done. About 2 hours after the meeting, when they realized I wasn’t going to change my mind, they consulted with each other and agreed to go with option # 2 and a meeting was arranged for the following Saturday. Throughout all this, my entire family was very supportive especially my husband and my father. I want you all to know that during all this my mother was out of country for Hajj.
More than 100 people attended the Saturday meeting where I had the opportunity to educate community members about child abuse, molestation as well as domestic violence. Afterwards my family helped me put the flyers up. I came away feeling that the meeting was very successful. Some people think I did a great job, some think it was a little over the top, and others think it was ridiculous. Regardless of their thought it broke the silence around an issue that was taboo. In my view this is an excellent outcome.
The good thing that came out of it was that the community leaders met and actually listened to me. A very challenging situation became an opportunity for me to act so my sisters and other young women will be encouraged to stand up for what they know is the right thing. Also the community has boycotted his store as a result of which he has almost gone out of business. And for the first time, my father recognized the value of a Social Worker!!!